Counseling And Same Sex Marriages
“Gay men and lesbians are known for rushing into commitments,” says San Francisco marriage therapy professional Michael Halyard. “Getting married for political reasons is not a recipe for longevity. It’s important to know yourself, know your partner and be realistic about how serious marriage is.” Halyard recommends premarital counseling for gay and lesbian couples thinking about same sex marriages, as “an insurance policy” to help them stay together. “The idea behind premarital counseling is to strengthen the marriage prior to the wedding – so the relationship can withstand the challenges that inevitably come up.”
In some ways, a same sex marriage will suffer the same trials and tribulations as their heterosexual counterpart, as both will argue about finances, power struggles, household chores, child rearing, autonomy and intimacy. Also, a 2008 study by the American Psychological Association found that same sex couples are just as happy and committed in their romantic relationships as heterosexual couples.
However, researchers have also noted that civil marriages of gay and lesbian couples showcase different conflict styles. Same sex marriages researcher and author Esther Rosenblum found that “Same-sex couples tend to use effective arguing. They give each other a fair hearing, and their conflicts are brief and quickly forgotten. Heterosexual couples argue ineffectively. Their conflicts are more frustrating and don’t get solved for days.” She adds that gay and lesbian couples come from the same cultural backgrounds, which makes it easier for them to resolve conflicts. “When women argue, they tend to focus on the relationship, and when men argue, they tend to focus on logic and problem solving,” she explains.
Politically, widespread legalization of same sex marriages still has a long way to go. Religious leaders outwardly condemn such unions, arguing that we must “preserve the sanctity of marriage.” Other strict interpreters of the law argue that marriage is defined as “the union between a man and a woman,” and therefore cannot include civil marriages between man and man or woman and woman. Even so, many other politicians and members of society feel that discrimination based on sexual orientation is unjust and unfair. They advocate for same sex benefits and unions that are not called “marriage” to bridge the gap.