What is the proper protocol for people in a serious relationship searching online dating sites?
strawblondefox asked:
I met the love of my life 1 1/2 years ago on an online dating service. We fell in love and get along very well. I consider us as man and wife. I cannot understand though why he still has profiles on at least 4 dating sites that I know of and always looks at the womens profiles on them. He also looks at myspace.com which is pretty much like the dating sites and carigslist personals,(causal encounters, women seeking men, misc romance, women seeking women,) for several different cities. He does not email or talk to them, he just looks. It makes me feel that I am inadequate. We live together and are not married which is very hard for me to handle since I was not raised to believe in that. I feel that is is disrespectful to be searching personal ads while being involved in a relationship. Is this just my insecurity or is there more to this? I would appreciate prompt responses from both ladies and gentlemen on this issue.
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I met the love of my life 1 1/2 years ago on an online dating service. We fell in love and get along very well. I consider us as man and wife. I cannot understand though why he still has profiles on at least 4 dating sites that I know of and always looks at the womens profiles on them. He also looks at myspace.com which is pretty much like the dating sites and carigslist personals,(causal encounters, women seeking men, misc romance, women seeking women,) for several different cities. He does not email or talk to them, he just looks. It makes me feel that I am inadequate. We live together and are not married which is very hard for me to handle since I was not raised to believe in that. I feel that is is disrespectful to be searching personal ads while being involved in a relationship. Is this just my insecurity or is there more to this? I would appreciate prompt responses from both ladies and gentlemen on this issue.
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August 4th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Baby girl…. you need to let him know how you feel. Let him know that you feel that your relationship is exsclusive. Tell him that it now bothers you that he’s still on those dating sites. You are not insecure.
Tell your boyfriend that his acitons offend you. Tell your boyfirend that what he does upsets you. Tell your boyfriend that you want him to stop.
If he really does love you he’ll cut it out. If he says…. Oh what for i’m not talking to these women or…. You’re crazy and making a big thing out of nothing what he’s really doing is trivializing your feelings on the subject witch is always BAD. You deserve someone that will respect your wishes. Good luck.
August 5th, 2008 at 6:11 am
That’s just wrong, and like the other answerer said, if he tries to make you feel like you’re being silly for worrying about it then you need to take that as a serious warning sign. I’m surprised he actually peruses these websites in front of you. You don’t think he’s trying to scare you off, do you? If not, either he just completely disregards your feelings, or I suppose it’s possible he really is just looking at these out of habit and has no intention of acting on any of them. But that’s a strange hobby, if he wants to be with you then he needs to get over it. Explain to him that it makes you feel bad when he continues to look at these websites when he has taken serious steps toward making a life with you at the same time. If he disregards your feelings, I would give that some very serious thought (and probably run), because I think that would be indicative of future problems with him. But find things you two can do together, like dance lessons, weekend trips, whatever — maybe he’s just bored. Best wishes!